I am eighteen, an independent and sometimes shy personality. I grew up all my life in the church; when the newly formed worship group called me to play the drums, I felt that I had finally found my place there. Everything seemed to be fine with me, but I felt empty.
A student talks about her addiction to pornography.
Later, in high school, my emptiness increased and with it my curiosity to find something that satisfied me. At first I turned to small things like stealing cigarettes from my obnoxious uncle, but that was not strong enough to fill that void. I would not give up that easy. I am Jennifer, strong as steel and I will get what I want! As a computer geek, I was able to access several things that normal people had no idea. I found out what I wanted. I got what I wanted. Pornography!
Before I knew it, I was hooked. This disease was not, in my life, a substitute for sex. I was, in fact, and I’m still a virgin. This was just something to fill me up. When I was sad, or had a bad day, I could just go up to my room, close the door and feel good again. It was free, harmless, and nobody knew about it.
But every time I was on the internet, what I sought to satisfy myself, no longer satisfied me. As a drug addict, looking day after day for stronger drugs, I looked more and more for stronger sources of satisfaction. It never ended until God came on the scene.
I don’t know exactly when, why or how (unless, through God’s necessary intervention), but one day I realized how devastated my life was. My father smoked and had stopped AGAIN. No stickers and no decrease, he just stopped.
Then I realized that this was what I needed to do. I realized that God was the only way to heal my emptiness. So, I deleted EVERYTHING from my computer. All the sites, the videos, the passwords, everything that could take me back to the place where I became a horrible person. A naive curiosity had quickly become an addiction.
Soon after I went to a Christian retreat. I was excited, but I didn’t expect the impact it would have on me. That weekend, I dedicated my life again to Jesus Christ, saying to God: “I want to live totally and completely for You. I want to be a new creation (2 Cor 5:17), transformed by the love you have shown me. I know that I made several mistakes and even my successes are not worthy of You (Isaiah 64: 6) ”.
But I also know that God saved us by His mercy, not by the things we had done (Titus 3: 4-5). So, from that day on, I decided to make a commitment to God saying that what He thinks is more important than what I and the world think and everything I do now will be for His glory, things that He wants me to do.
The love I felt at the retreat was what made me overcome. I knew that God loved me … But so much? I was surrounded by people I didn’t know and they were praying, interceding and asking for me, giving me advice and expressing the love they felt for me. But why were completely unknown people showing love for me? The Bible says, “We love because he first loved us”(1 John 4:19).
They loved me for feeling the love that God had for them. And now that I feel God’s love, I want to share it with the world too! In addition to love, I tried to sing worship songs like never before. I went back to my old Christian friends and made new friends. After that weekend, the expression of Jesus on my face and in my actions was visible. Every day, I found a new reason to praise God … There was not a trace of the emptiness I felt before. There was no more anger, loneliness, sadness or fear. Psalm 119: 62 says, “At midnight I get up to give thanks for your righteous ordinances.”
This is what I feel now. Wanting to get up at midnight to praise and worship the Lord for what He did for me and my friends. You are never too young or too old to change because of the Lord: “Nobody despise you for being young, but set an example for the faithful in word, in procedure, in love, in faith and purity” (1 Tim. 4:12).
Today! Today, give yourself totally and completely to God. You have nothing to lose and eternal life to gain. Paul said, “But God’s free gift is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). Accept this offer and run, run to God, because you are and always will be His. When the whole world turns its back on Him, He will be there, because He is, was and always will be. He loves you.